Cry your Crying into Weeping

Cry your Crying into Weeping

I cried once
It was the first time
I cried later to see if it felt the same
It didn't.

All I needed was someone;
Yet, the someone I needed was going to have to solve it.
All I needed was everything to never be the same again.
That time I cried the first time
I had no idea that I would cry so much.
Not only did I cry too much that time,
I cried too much the next time
and the next time.
Crying started to feel good I did it so much.
I began to think I was crying my way into heaven.
If something was trying to get my attention--
I didn't want it.
I was by myself, crying.
If you could cry away your troubles I would have done it by happenstance.
If you could call crying weeping instead, maybe I was weeping.
I can't remember the exact day that my crying turned into weeping,
But, I can tell you life is a lament.
"Life's lament" I would say. And, I felt that clever.
I have cried once because I will never be clever again.
I have cried the rest of the times because I was too sad to care.
I am only sad about one thing right now, and that is the problem that I am not crying.
I should be.
I don't know if I can't cry now because I cried so much.
I want to cry because I can't cry.
I actually think I wouldn't feel like crying right now if I could just cry, dammit.